Photo courtesy of bimurch

“Turn the other cheek.” That’s the advice most grandmother’s give their grandchildren when they learn of someone bullying them.  Not my Nana.  She was a feisty thing when someone messed with her family.  In fact, she threatened to “jerk up and slap around” many bullies, parents, and even teachers, who she thought treated me unfairly.  My grandfather is an ex-Marine who often shared his thoughts on how to properly throw a punch, and other hand-to-hand combat techniques, with his ten year-old grandson.  Needless to say, my mom wasn’t too thrilled with either of their ideas on conflict resolution, probably because she was the one who often faced daycare administrators and teachers after I went rounds with the class bully.

Hit Me, I’ll Hit You Back

We’ve always taught our kids to defend themselves.  We are careful to differentiate the need to respond to words, and the need to respond to physical threats or actions.  And we obviously discourage them from ever being the bully themselves.  I’ve told my kids that if someone hits them first, they are to hit them back, twice as hard. Now I know this doesn’t sit well with pacifists out there, but I don’t care.  I’ve seen and heard too many cases of kids being bullied, harrassed and physically attacked to the point of causing life-threatening injuries, and I refuse to teach my kids to take a beating without standing up for themselves.

Zero-Tolerance in Schools

School administrators, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to punish kids equally for fighting–regardless of who instigated the fight, and who was merely defending themselves. When I was in school, administrators judged for themselves who started the fight after asking witnesses, and accounting for previous disciplinary records of those involved, etc.  Sometimes they got it wrong, but most of the time the bully was the one correctly punished, and the kid who stood up for himself was sent on his way.  But in the age of equal punishment any involvment in a fight usually results in a sentence of in-school suspension (or out of school suspension, in some cases).  The thought of getting in trouble often overrides the natural instincts for kids to defend themselves, and they wind up taking a beating when they shouldn’t have to.

So I tell my kids to fight back, regardless of the punishment they might face at school.  I will gladly take a couple days off of work to watch my kids if they are suspended for defending themselves.  Much better than taking a couple days off to tend to their injuries sustained from complying with a ridiculous zero-tolerance fighting policy.

Photo from the concert we attended last fall

Here’s something that might make back-to-school time a little less painful.  Register your child for a free phone call from Hannah Montana!  I imagine my kids would get a kick out of answering the phone on the first day of school and hearing Hannah Montana on the other end of the line.

Too bad they don’t have a script that reads, “Cleaning up your room and helping Mom and Dad around the house is cool!”