If you have seen a music video or award ceremony in the last few years you know that female entertainers are getting downright raunchy with their wardrobe.  Unfortunately, these same performers are idolized by young women around the world, who often mimic their styles in an effort to be cool and sexy on Halloween.

Michael Hyatt had a great piece the other day asking whatever happened to modesty?  I’ve wondered that myself.  I wish more young girls would consider covering up their bodies and leaving a little to the imagination.  With Halloween right around the corner, it is a good time to reinforce the idea of modesty in our youth.  Over time Halloween costumes have become more and more revealing, and often times young girls look for sexy Halloween costumes that are barely appropriate for grown women.

Trick or Treat

Last Halloween my wife and I were looking for a Halloween costume for our son when we found ourselves surrounded by teenage and pre-teen girls shopping for their Halloween costumes.

Thirteen and fourteen year-old girls disappeared to a changing room clinging to costumes such as Sexy Nurse, Naughty Cop and “Sexcretary.” What made it worse was the fact that parents stood idly by waiting for their daughters to return with the chosen costume.

Now, you can call me a prude, but I don’t think teenage girls should be wearing such trashy Halloween costumes.  To me, it sends the wrong message to teenage boys and perverted adult men.  I wondered where the fathers were, and why they weren’t encouraging their daughters to find more appropriate Halloween costumes.

These costume ideas might be fun for adults to role play for one night in October, but they are not appropriate for young women, who are often too early judged as sex symbols by older boys.  While walking our neighborhood last year I remember seeing these girls dressed as Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders with mid-drifts showing, caked in makeup and giant blonde wigs.  I knew the message they were trying to send, and it wasn’t well received from the father of a young girl.  Hopefully this year parents will ask their kids to tone down their Halloween costumes a bit, but I don’t have much faith considering the poor examples from Hollywood.

Halloween Costumes for Adults

Just a quick post today to let you know that my mother has been hospitalized with a potentially life-threatening condition.  I’ve spent the better part of the last week, including the entire weekend, in the hospital’s intensive care unit, and she has been unresponsive since Saturday night.  Obviously, I am behind on my writing, but plan to catch up a bit this weekend if things improve.  I’ll try to get something ready for Friday, but if I don’t, I hope you will understand.  Would appreciate any thoughts and prayers you could throw our way.  I’ll publish another update when I can.

Photo courtesy of jswieringa

Not long ago on a shopping trip with my daughter she said something very profound. After telling me 17 reasons why I should buy a new Disney DVD for her I stood my ground and told her we could not afford it this trip. She wasn’t giving up that easy, and continued to remind me that I had just been to the bank and “ought to have money from my work.” That’s when it hit me – it was time for the talk. No, not that talk! It was time for the budget talk, you know the “money doesn’t grow on trees” talk.

When we got home I gathered up four quarters and gave them to my daughter. I told her that the four quarters represented Daddy’s paycheck, and I explained that she had to give me quarters to pay for ALL the expenses we had during the month.

• 1st Quarter – Taxes. Before we could spend anything I asked for one quarter and explained that the government collected this one right out of Daddy’s paycheck for taxes. The inevitable question, “What are taxes?” came next. Taxes are money that the government collects on income to pay for schools, roads, libraries and other important things that help people (I decided to keep it light, and not mention the hundreds of millions of dollars in wasteful government spending).

• 2nd Quarter – Housing. I gently plucked the second quarter from her palm as she frowned. With the second quarter we pay for our house, our power for lights and heat, cable, internet and telephone bills, and any other monthly expenses. At this point she looked down and half her money was gone. She wasn’t impressed with this exercise, but I could tell it was starting to sink in.

• 3rd Quarter – Transportation. I took her next-to-last quarter and told her this paid for Mommy’s car, insurance to help in case we have an accident, gas and regular maintenance like oil changes and new tires. She was ready to pocket that last quarter and was growing impatient. However, the most important part of this exercise was coming up next.

• 4th Quarter – Savings, Spending, and Giving. This was our last quarter, and with this money we had to fit all our remaining goals into a budget. First, we wanted to save some money for our future. Then we needed to give some of it away. *This is a good place to talk about the importance of giving. Giving doesn’t always have to be in monetary form. My daughter has attended a wonderful workshop called Project Linus where people get together and knit blankets for children who have experienced some form of hardship (death in the family, accident, etc.). This is an excellent opportunity for her to donate both her time, and her money, to a very worthy cause.

After saving and giving away a portion of that last quarter, we also need to budget for our spending. This last bit of money has to pay for our food, entertainment, cleaning supplies, paper products, and gifts for the entire month. The more we spend on gifts and entertainment, the less we have for food.

After wrapping up the lesson with this last quarter I could see a light bulb go off. By giving my daughter something tangible to represent our income she was able to understand that there are things you have to pay for (food, shelter, transportation), and things you can choose to spend money on (gifts and entertainment). All categories must be paid for with a finite supply of money. By reducing the discretionary categories we have more money to spend on those we value more (saving, giving, our home, etc.). Since that conversation she has asked me a few follow up questions regarding taxes. I try to answer them the best way I know how, but I have to confess I’ve been paying them for 15 years and I still don’t fully understand them myself! Oh, don’t forget to give her the quarters back, cheapskate.

Photo courtesy of Jayel Aheram

I remember growing up as a kid enjoying many fall afternoons playing pick-up football games with neighborhood kids. We would roam from yard to yard (according to which kid has the most forgiving father, or at least one who cared the least about his yard).  Often times we played until it was too dark to see the ball, or the utility pole that never failed as a sure tackler.  Something has changed across the suburbs of America, and I’m not sure what is to blame.

Lawsuits End Backyard Football

Who knows all the reasons for the death of the neighborhood sporting scene.  If I were to venture a guess at a few of the excuses parents and kids would use to scuttle a neighborhood whiffle ball game I’d bring up things like injuries, lawyers and video games.

Parents today are terrified of another person’s child getting injured on their property, and for good reason.  With lawyer offices on ever corner ready, willing and able to file suit for any semblance of negligence, parents now think twice over letting their kids clothesline each other during five on five scrimmages.  When I was a kid, injuries were part of playing hard.  If someone got hurt, somebody’s mom came out with a bag of ice or frozen peas and plopped it on the injury.  If the injury was too bad to ride home on a bike, she called the other mom to come pick up the wounded.  No big deal.  In today’s society this same scenario would probably end in a fist fight, lawsuit, or at a minimum, hurt feelings (or all of the above!).

Video Games Are Not a Substitute for Real Sports

Video games have gotten a bad rap in the media, and based on a few titles I’ve seen in action, rightfully so. However, there are plenty of benign games out there, even ones with some redeeming qualities such as those that improve hand/eye coordination or problem-solving skills.  The problem is that parents have not balanced video game baseball with the requirement to engage in real-life activities.  I think at a minimum kids should have to play outside in equal times that they play video games.  So if kids want to play Madden Football on their XBox 360 (and who could blame them) for an hour, then they have to play outside for at least an hour.  They will probably gripe and complain, but at least they will grow up to understand balance–minimizing the chance they pull video game all-nighters in college.

Have you noticed a decline in kids playing outside in your neighborhood?

“Turn the other cheek.” That’s the advice most grandmother’s give their grandchildren when they learn of someone bullying them.  Not my Nana.  She was a feisty thing when someone messed with her family.  In fact, she threatened to “jerk up and slap around” many bullies, parents, and even teachers, who she thought treated me unfairly.  My grandfather is an ex-Marine who often shared his thoughts on how to properly throw a punch, and other hand-to-hand combat techniques, with his ten year-old grandson.  Needless to say, my mom wasn’t too thrilled with either of their ideas on conflict resolution, probably because she was the one who often faced daycare administrators and teachers after I went rounds with the class bully.

Hit Me, I’ll Hit You Back

We’ve always taught our kids to defend themselves.  We are careful to differentiate the need to respond to words, and the need to respond to physical threats or actions.  And we obviously discourage them from ever being the bully themselves.  I’ve told my kids that if someone hits them first, they are to hit them back, twice as hard. Now I know this doesn’t sit well with pacifists out there, but I don’t care.  I’ve seen and heard too many cases of kids being bullied, harrassed and physically attacked to the point of causing life-threatening injuries, and I refuse to teach my kids to take a beating without standing up for themselves.

Zero-Tolerance in Schools

School administrators, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to punish kids equally for fighting–regardless of who instigated the fight, and who was merely defending themselves. When I was in school, administrators judged for themselves who started the fight after asking witnesses, and accounting for previous disciplinary records of those involved, etc.  Sometimes they got it wrong, but most of the time the bully was the one correctly punished, and the kid who stood up for himself was sent on his way.  But in the age of equal punishment any involvment in a fight usually results in a sentence of in-school suspension (or out of school suspension, in some cases).  The thought of getting in trouble often overrides the natural instincts for kids to defend themselves, and they wind up taking a beating when they shouldn’t have to.

So I tell my kids to fight back, regardless of the punishment they might face at school.  I will gladly take a couple days off of work to watch my kids if they are suspended for defending themselves.  Much better than taking a couple days off to tend to their injuries sustained from complying with a ridiculous zero-tolerance fighting policy.